Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
