I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
