i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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