I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
