Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
not ubering you a puppy
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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