I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
false alarm, still single
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
