apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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