but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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