So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
