just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
