great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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