Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
