so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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