So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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