I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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