...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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