ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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