You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
