I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
