There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
