problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
