when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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