I've blown a few things in my day
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
