taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
