i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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