I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the day after is always just damage control
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
