Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
