Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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