just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
