There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
