Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
