So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
