already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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