Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
