Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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