Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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