then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
