is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
