you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize