I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
