I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
