I think my fart just growled at me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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