the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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