I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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