i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What drink are we having for lunch?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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