I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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