I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
