its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
