She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
