I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
