The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
nutella sex= disaster
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
