Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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