i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Can I color on your dick again?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
