I wish I only lived at night.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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