one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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