I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
