I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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