you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
