I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
