I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
