I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
they're like a gay fantastic four
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
