i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
