woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize