All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
