You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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