She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
