I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
