I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
