im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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