i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
