I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
