i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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