I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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