my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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