If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
