Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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