Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
