does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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