I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
